I Am A Fuck

Blah, I just had a total freakout moment and it wasn't good. I think the stress of the whole car thing contributed to it, but still doesn't excuse the complete ass I made of myself. I just hope Morgan can forgive me and realize under normal circumstances I'm not like this at all. I also have to realize not all people feel that talking about something is the best solution. I'm a talker (who'd have guessed, right LOL) but not all people are. I have to realize that. I also have to realize that not all people are out to fuck me over, contrary to what I've experienced with the car and other things as of late (he's done nothing to make me think he's up to no good, and nothing to make me not trust him).

I'm going to show something that I'll probably wind up taking down tomorrow after I've slept on this whole dreadful thing I've done, but for now I feel I must put it up. Long before I met Morgan, I made a list I titled "Dream Man". I actually made this list at the request of my friend Perv (alternately referred to as Marky Mark), a buddy of mine who lives in San Diego. I made a list of everything my perfect man (dream man, if you will) would have. Some may seem superficial, but understand, this was the Dream Man criteria; I could afford to be a little shallow. LOL So here's the list, with (prepare for sap) all of the criteria Morgan fits in bold type (yes, he's seen this list and laughed his ass off at me afterwards):

The List

That's a whole lot of shit off my list, and pretty much all of the important things. Yes, I hate smoking but he's pretty good about not smoking around me, so that's cool. I'd be happy if he quit, but it could be a lot worse, so I don't nag him about the cigarettes.

OK, so I finally find a guy that is almost the perfect guy for me (no one's perfect, I know that you silly people) and I'm going to fuck it up by going totally psycho because he goes out with a friend he's known for half his life? Fucking stupid on my part, that's what it is. I just hope the fact that I love him, and he loves me (I know this because he told me he does, in case anyone cares) is enough to get over my fuck up. Tomorrow I'll probably wake up and be like, why the fuck did I flip out over that? It was nothing, really. I just hope he realizes that I'm not usually like this, and that a whole lot of circumstances contributed to my moment of insanity. Hopefully I'll be able to explain the circumstances more in depth very soon, but I'll have to clear it with him first.

Anyway, I'm off to bed or something as I'm all tuckered out. Having a conniption fit really takes it out of you.

I suck.

That is all.